Where are you God?

It seems like whenever I make a decision to grow in my relationship with God the exact opposite happens. Why is this? I do not understand. A week ago all i wanted was to grow closer to God and deepen my relationship with Him. and now, to be completely honest and transparent(is that the right word), this is the exact thing i am not doing, and at the moment have no desire to do.
I know He has not left me, i know if i were to reach out He would be, is, right there. And if i know this why am i not doing so? I have been reading my bible, and spending serious time with God but....nothing not anymore..."If you seek Me, you will find Me" well how come whenever i seek You, i never seem to find you.

Also, my mother talked to a doctor this week, explained different issues and symptoms i have been having (for the past year and a half) and he thinks my ovaries are shutting down, along with some other stuff. That is exactly what an 18 year old girl wants to hear. I am flying home the third weekend in Feb. to go see him. Please keep that in prayer.

Back on campus.

That's right i'm back at Evangel. It's so weird being back here. I don't know how i feel about this yet...i love the friend's i have made here and would not exchange them for the world, but this isn't home....not anymore. I applied to Olivet a couple of days ago and i plan on applying to a couple more colleges around home in this next month.

On Sunday Stone had a guest speaker, Robert Madu- I think that's his name, and he was great!! I've heard him speak at Convention before. He was GREAT then and he was GREAT Sunday! His message really went along with my goals for the new year!

For this upcoming semester i have bought three major books i want to read through and other smaller books. I have totally blanked on the titles but i will be sure to blog about them at some point! I am still waiting for them to arrive here on campus.

For the first time in my life I want to be dedicated and stick to all my plans/goals. In other areas of my life i can find dedication but when it comes to my own personal goals i can never find that dedication/ strength to keep going day after day. It is time to change and start a new chapter in my life.

o i thought of a third goal.

goal #3: attain to get straights a's. If i strive to get straight and don't reach that goal i should still land pretty close and be very proud of myself.

As a side note i wanted to let everyone know that Reichert is going to be my made of honor when i get married!! :)

2010

This is going to be a year to beat all years! I was beyond ready for 2009 to be over! It had not been an easy year at all. Some good did come of it but i am ready for a fresh start. I want to start writing again, but i want to have some sort of purpose behind my writing. I still have to figure that part out!

This next year i am fully dedicating my life to God, to become the best person i can. I want to have two or three main goals for this next year.

Goal One: Reach a deeper level with God.
This year i would like to read the bible through. (is that right? i don't think so) I would like to read the whole bible. I am not satisfied where I am with God right now so i am going to take my relationship with God in my own hands and draw closer. With this i am going to cut out distractions, especially my biggest distraction...guys! For the next 9 months or so i will not date, pursue, or allow any guy to pursue me. Guys have been a huge distraction my whole life so its about time they are put aside so that God can become my true number one. and on top of that when this dating hiatus is over before i get involved with any guy i will bring it to God. I will not date just anyone, i have to get the go ahead from God first. It's about time i listen to Proverbs 4:23, i am sick of getting my heart broken.

Goal Two: Get into shape.
It isn't that hard, i just need to get out of bed every once in a while. Evangel has a FREE workout place plus i want to get a workout DVD and a mat for my room before i go back. How am i supposed to serve God my best if i possibly can not do everything possible.

I might add another goal later, but i don't know right now. i'm too tired!