Haven't been on this thing in a while.....

These past few weeks have been a rollercoaster.
After Winter Retreat i realized that my relationship with God had been put on the back burner in my life. I was so busy with everything/everyone else in my life that i didn't put any time into my relationship with God. At retreat God opened my eyes to alot of different issues going on in my life. One was that my adoption isn't who i am. I am a child of God. I am HIS daughter, and that is all that matters. another was i put to much into my relationship with Ethan. i made him my WORLD. i would go to Ethan instead of relying on God. and that is really where i tripped up these past few months. I LOVE God, with everything in me, but i didn't trust Him. Part of it was any time i really loved or cared about someone they left, and how would i know God wouldn't leave. I mean i know He never would, but that's not how my mind and heart saw it. I have felt abandoned by so many people, i couldn't take it if i felt abounded by God. Bethany told me at this anaolgy at Retreat.
When you cut your finger they say you aren't supposed to put a band-aid on it right away so it can start healing, and my heart is the same way, expect i would just always put the band-aid on right away. not giving it time to heal. so that it didn't hurt anymore. It's time to take that band-aid off and to let God heal my heart. To make me complete in Him.
I always thought i needed it have it all together and i realize i don't. I just have to keep going to God through all of this. and ask for prayer.
During levio devina at Retreat we read Romans 12:1-8 but verse 2 is what stuck out to me
"but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."
I need to be transformed through God.
For once in my life i'm not going to fall apart, i'm going to fall together.