It is finally official i am sick! I have a fever. I can not eat anything!
It makes me feel even worse. I am light headed, and weak. Sleeping
constantly. and just plain feel like death! I took today off, and hopefully
will convince my mother to let me stay home tomorrow, i really feel
that awful! so much for Open Gym on Friday, or maybe even Youth on
Wednesday! I hate being sick. I try to put it off for as long as possible.
Okay now that i am done complaining about being sick. haha
As most people know I have been dating this guy, Ethan. I have known him for...i don't even know how long, he has always just been there. Well over summer things got really weird between us and once school started it didn't get any better. One thing, he NEVER came to visit me!! I get that i could have gone to him, but its his job to do it first! that is just one of many things that had bothered me. After taking many breaks, finally in October i ended things, permanently. After that we didn't talk until December. and when we were talking it was just talking, not o i want to get back together talk, because i so did not, even though Ethan made it pretty obvious that was what was on his mind.
I do not know what happened but honestly i woke up one day, and just stopped caring about him. Well i still care about him as a person, but nothing more then that. I do not see any future with us, and i don't want to. I haven't been able to tell him this because of how he has been acting. He tells me i am the only person he lets in, or I'm the only one he talks to. He couldn't make it without me. and that makes me REALLY uncomfortable! i don't want to be really anything to him, other then that crazy girl from IL. I told him that he can not come down and visit me now, that he missed his chance, and he got angry at me. I do not want to hurt his feelings, but i can't keep going on like this. I have moved on, quit literally. I just do not know how to explain all of this to him, and not hurt his feelings.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Tiredness/Feed my Starving Children
I can not even explain to you the amount of exhaustion i have been
experiencing recently. and i could not even explain to you why.
i am sleeping, A LOT! but i always still seem to be tired.
My dad make fun of me for it all the time. "when i was a teenager
i never needed sleep."
My headaches are back and so is my back pain. I'm not angry
at God, but I thought it was all gone! I had a good period of
time there where my back did not hurt. I could live a "normal"
life of not having my back hurt to the extent of not even being
able to find one position, sitting or laying, that did not hurt.
We went to Feed My Starving Children on Monday and I was
seemingly okay that whole time we were there, and even at the
mall my back did not hurt, but when we were on the way home,
on the bus, o my goodness!! I could not sit down, or stand up,
or do anything that would make the pain stop! It was horrible!
but Feed My Starving Children was amazing! We went of Monday,
our day off, and we served people. It was so rewarding. Being able
to make a difference in a family, or child's life is so wonderful to me!
It was so amazing to me that so many young people came out! We even
had to turn some of the youth away because we could only take so
many people. That fact alone shows that this generation has so much
potential!
We got there ten minutes early, and had to sign in, where they proceeded to
give us all hair nets. I was very impressed, we only had mild complaining from
the girls on that one. On the way in the joke was that i was only there for the guys.
Well, when we were all sitting down a group of guys walked in and everyone was like
"Amber, there are your guys" and OF COURSE they heard it...can i say embarrassing!!??
We sat through a presentation on what we were doing, and the cause behind it.
We were then off to the work room. They gave us a demonstration, and during it Lonna
got my attention and said i should be standing on the other side, i didn't get it, and then she
pointed out that that was were the guys were!! So me, being well me went over there just for the kicks. Reichert and i started off with putting stickers on bags, while the rest of the group bagged food. They had to make up cheers to get refills or bags, or boxes and any time it was Stone Church
people Reichert and i would look at each other and just laugh. They were the loudest
group in there! SHOCKING i know! lol Finally Reichert and i made our way into the food area!
It was fun there! Especially since there were more people! But Lonna allowed me to seal the bags, after the food was put in them. All you have to do is place the bag on this machine and press down,
not that hard right? Well i didn't think so either, so i was going at it, doing a good job. I would
seal the bag and then throw it onto the table to be boxed. I was going about that when all
of a sudden i see the contents of a bag all over the table...GREAT i screwed one up.
it was bad, we just cleared it off and refilled it a little. Well i did this another 2 times.
man did i feel stupid!! lol
But we were finally done and it was time to pray over the food then go back for a final good-bye meeting. Where basically they ask for money. Well when everyone was still coming in to the good-bye meeting, someone was talking to those "guy's" pastor, well we found out that they are from Minnesota! Are you serious?!?! that is so unfair!! becuase one of those guys was pretty cute, if
i do say so myself!! Lol
We were done and walking back to the bus and i commented on how cute that guy was, but it was a bummer that he lived in Minnesota, and P.erik in all of his niceness said back "well the long distance thing is YOUR thing!" haha funny P. Erik.
Then we went to the mall. and that brings us full circle to the ride home where my back hurt!
wow this one was long!! Sorry!
experiencing recently. and i could not even explain to you why.
i am sleeping, A LOT! but i always still seem to be tired.
My dad make fun of me for it all the time. "when i was a teenager
i never needed sleep."
My headaches are back and so is my back pain. I'm not angry
at God, but I thought it was all gone! I had a good period of
time there where my back did not hurt. I could live a "normal"
life of not having my back hurt to the extent of not even being
able to find one position, sitting or laying, that did not hurt.
We went to Feed My Starving Children on Monday and I was
seemingly okay that whole time we were there, and even at the
mall my back did not hurt, but when we were on the way home,
on the bus, o my goodness!! I could not sit down, or stand up,
or do anything that would make the pain stop! It was horrible!
but Feed My Starving Children was amazing! We went of Monday,
our day off, and we served people. It was so rewarding. Being able
to make a difference in a family, or child's life is so wonderful to me!
It was so amazing to me that so many young people came out! We even
had to turn some of the youth away because we could only take so
many people. That fact alone shows that this generation has so much
potential!
We got there ten minutes early, and had to sign in, where they proceeded to
give us all hair nets. I was very impressed, we only had mild complaining from
the girls on that one. On the way in the joke was that i was only there for the guys.
Well, when we were all sitting down a group of guys walked in and everyone was like
"Amber, there are your guys" and OF COURSE they heard it...can i say embarrassing!!??
We sat through a presentation on what we were doing, and the cause behind it.
We were then off to the work room. They gave us a demonstration, and during it Lonna
got my attention and said i should be standing on the other side, i didn't get it, and then she
pointed out that that was were the guys were!! So me, being well me went over there just for the kicks. Reichert and i started off with putting stickers on bags, while the rest of the group bagged food. They had to make up cheers to get refills or bags, or boxes and any time it was Stone Church
people Reichert and i would look at each other and just laugh. They were the loudest
group in there! SHOCKING i know! lol Finally Reichert and i made our way into the food area!
It was fun there! Especially since there were more people! But Lonna allowed me to seal the bags, after the food was put in them. All you have to do is place the bag on this machine and press down,
not that hard right? Well i didn't think so either, so i was going at it, doing a good job. I would
seal the bag and then throw it onto the table to be boxed. I was going about that when all
of a sudden i see the contents of a bag all over the table...GREAT i screwed one up.
it was bad, we just cleared it off and refilled it a little. Well i did this another 2 times.
man did i feel stupid!! lol
But we were finally done and it was time to pray over the food then go back for a final good-bye meeting. Where basically they ask for money. Well when everyone was still coming in to the good-bye meeting, someone was talking to those "guy's" pastor, well we found out that they are from Minnesota! Are you serious?!?! that is so unfair!! becuase one of those guys was pretty cute, if
i do say so myself!! Lol
We were done and walking back to the bus and i commented on how cute that guy was, but it was a bummer that he lived in Minnesota, and P.erik in all of his niceness said back "well the long distance thing is YOUR thing!" haha funny P. Erik.
Then we went to the mall. and that brings us full circle to the ride home where my back hurt!
wow this one was long!! Sorry!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
So i am in Colleg Prep writting class right now, and apparently i can get onto blogger.
i tried to get onto Twitter, but it took forever to load, so i quit! lol
i guess i should update this thing a little more about what's going on.
In CPW (college prep writting) we are writting a narative about our lives.
One life changing event. and although i wanted to write about all these different things,
the only thing i found myself writting about was Cassie's death.
I don't want to dwell on that though. it is in God's hands and I can't
really change anything, so....
I started off the year of 2009 with a week of prayer and fasting.
and although it was hard, well the fasting part. it was rewarding.
I could feel God on a daily basis, and felt that changes He is making.
I ended my week of fasting by going to Giordano's pizza! thank you lonna!
This year i am making it appoint to get closer to God. I am not going to sit
and wait for God, and not do anything i am going to get off my butt and chase
after Him like i have never chased after anything in my life.
This next year is going to be very interesting. A chapter of my life is going
to be closing, but a whole new one is going to be opened up to me.
Gradauting from high school is the one that i have been talking
about since my first day freshman year, and now it is right around
the corner. Although i can not wait to leave i am scared. High school
is sceure. and now i am jumping out into a whole world of unsecure things.
This year i hope to:
i tried to get onto Twitter, but it took forever to load, so i quit! lol
i guess i should update this thing a little more about what's going on.
In CPW (college prep writting) we are writting a narative about our lives.
One life changing event. and although i wanted to write about all these different things,
the only thing i found myself writting about was Cassie's death.
I don't want to dwell on that though. it is in God's hands and I can't
really change anything, so....
I started off the year of 2009 with a week of prayer and fasting.
and although it was hard, well the fasting part. it was rewarding.
I could feel God on a daily basis, and felt that changes He is making.
I ended my week of fasting by going to Giordano's pizza! thank you lonna!
This year i am making it appoint to get closer to God. I am not going to sit
and wait for God, and not do anything i am going to get off my butt and chase
after Him like i have never chased after anything in my life.
This next year is going to be very interesting. A chapter of my life is going
to be closing, but a whole new one is going to be opened up to me.
Gradauting from high school is the one that i have been talking
about since my first day freshman year, and now it is right around
the corner. Although i can not wait to leave i am scared. High school
is sceure. and now i am jumping out into a whole world of unsecure things.
This year i hope to:
- read the whole bible through.
- fix the relationship with my mother
- go to a deeper place with God
- move on from past relationships
- write a letter to everyone who has made a difference in my life
- come to better terms with being adopted (i have come a long way, but that journey is still not over)
yeah i think that is it.
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