Moving On

Last Wednesday Pastor Erik after he spoke let the mic open for the youth to "confess" or tell the youth something about us that we need to get out on the open, most of us went up there to ask the youth to prayer for something specific in our lives, and i guess to confess something we are dealing with.
I had kept putting off going up there, it wasn't mandatory but i felt the Holy Spirit keeping pushing me to go up there. At one point i stood up and pastor Erik saw me but then i just sat on the bench near me. Finally, i got the nerves to go up there. My heart was beating out of my chest and my hands were shaking. I picked up the mic and just started talking. i hadn't prepared anything, all i knew was i had to walk up there and start talking.
the words started coming, i was talking about my past. how i've been hurt by people alot in my life. and although i have said i have gotten over it i really haven't and it has servilely kept me from getting closer to God. And how i am going off to college next year and i can't live my life with all of my past hurts. and asked them to pray for me!

I had two of my amazing leaders, Bethany and Lonna, talk to me afterward. Both spoke words i needed to hear. Bethany told me its time to let go. The devil has taken 17 years of my life, no more.
Lonna, told me that even though i have been hurt, i have hurt others and need to mend those relationships. and she was right.
i just don't have to get over what has been done to me, i also have to ask for forgiveness from others.
Lonna also said i need to hold on to God with everything in me. GO after Him like i never had before.

Since last Wednesday i don't feel like the same person. I have been reading my bible. Praying. I have asked for forgiveness from the people that i had hurt. I have been going to God first.
My life isn't the same as it was a week ago. I am not letting the Devil control my life anymore. I am trusting my God, and Savior with my life. all of it. And i am able to live with a peace and a joy that is amazing.
I am not worrying about my future for it is in His hands. My relationship with others has improved . I am doing, what i have always wanted to do, but never honestly thought i could.
God is becoming the center of my life. and i never thought it would be THIS amazing!!

This path that i have gone on isn't over and i will not say it is. I have a long way to go. and it wont always be this easy. but i know God will give my the dedication to keep up with my Bible reading, and i have leaders and other students to keep me accountable. and not just with reading the bible. but with keeping my faith in God to keep going, and to keep Him the center of my life.
I am not going to say this is a whole new me, becuase it isn't.
This is just me, trying to figure out my life, with God truly completely it.