One Year. eight monts. seven days.

Today at church the youth choir sang Cry Out to Jesus by Third Day. It is an amazing song, but to sing it is so hard. The beginning line is "To everyone who's lost someone they love Long before it was their time You feel like the days you had were not enough when you said goodbye" And just reading those words brings tears to my eyes. Losing Cassie has forever impacted my life....It has been one year, eight months, and seven days since we lost Cassie, but it still feels like yesterday. I still miss you. I still cry. I still can't sing or hear a song without thinking about you. I still have your picture in my purse. It is still so unreal to me that you are gone. I still look for you at church. Still expecting to see your beautiful face walk in through the doors. Still expecting to hear your voice next to mine as we sing. I still don't understand. It still hurts, everyday...I haven't gone a day and not thought of you. I try to be strong, but some days its just too hard to be.
Does it ever get easier? Isn't the pain supposed to go away?

Why do i still miss you??

I hate that I am crying over you.
I wish you could be here now.
I wanted things to work.
We had waited so long,
But maybe not long enough.
I hate that I sit at my computer
And wait for your name to pop
Up and say you're on.
I hate that I just watch your
Name...wanting to say something
Waiting for you to say something.
I hate that I can't let go of you.
Part of me doesn't want to.
Most of me knows I have to or I
Will go CRAZY! You're still on my
Mind, always. You still and always
Will have a place in my heart. But
You chose to not make that place
Permanent. I needed more then
A voice. I needed a hand to hold.
I needed someone who would
Back of their words with action.
But in all reality, i just needed you.
You here, by my side. Not all the
time, but once in a while would have
Been nice. Some nights i look at my phone,
Wanting to call. Wanting to feel
That safety that always came.
Needing it almost. But now I'm all
Alone. My nights are dark and lonely.
Missing what they once had. It is
Just me and my own thoughts.
My thoughts that always lead back to
You...and only you....