Mar Bear- i remember when we started calling you that, and you'd call me Ambi Bambi. I miss you. Words can not express the grief i am feeling. I don't understand. I have dealth with death before, but suicide...how am i supposed to do this!?

Mary Sue Faust

Mary was my first friend when we moved in 5th grade. We would go to recess everyday together. After that we became inseparable. I don't think i could have made it through my move or junior high without her. We spent almost every day together. She saw me through my darkest times. She always tried to convince my parents to get me a puppy, and a cell phone. It never worked! Each summer we would go up to her cottage every weekend. We would lay out on the roof, go tubing on the lake with her neighbor, go jet skiing, take a ride around the lake on the pontoon, and go canoeing all the time. We would canoe across the lake to get Dairy Queen. The memories go on and on! She became apart of my family and i of hers. When we got to high school though things started to change. We grew up, and we grew apart. Freshman year was okay but as the years went on it was harder and harder. Mary wanted to graduate a whole year early so she got so busy we just didn't have time anymore.
I know wish I had made time. My serior year we reconnected. She wanted to go to prom with all of her friends so her boyfriend was my date and mary was our friend, Kayla's, date. One night she came over to give me the money. I was so nervous to see her, we hadn't talked at all in a year. She walked in and spilled everything to me. She told me how her parents had split up and her dad had gone crazy, how she had been diagnosed with bi-polar are a suicide attempt, she had started to drink, smoke, and use sex to cover all the pain. March of 2009 she attempted suicide again. I could not believe what my ears were telling me. This was not the friend i had once known. God laid her in my heart in such a heavy way. I knew He had brought her back to me for a reason. I started to pray and asked others around me to pray and to keep me accountable for checking up on her. She started to open up to me about everything.


Saturday, February 13, 2010 is a day i will never forget. It is the day i got the phone call informing me that my best friend, Mary, had killed herself the night before. I had just had the day of a lifetime and on the way home from Branson, in a car filled with my girls, i broke.
Since that night I do not know how to feel or what to do. I am completely numb. I'm mad at God, but i'm not. I'm mad at Mary but i can't be. What am i supposed to do...

R.I.P. 02/12/10♥

Today I found out that one of my best friends, Mary Sue Faust, died last night. Not only did she die, she committed suicide. This 18 year old girl jumped in front of a semi on i80. I don't know how to react to this...I am living right now in a haze. Not knowing what i am doing or feeling. I have honestly never cried so hard in my life. I have never felt so numb. How are you supposed to deal with a friend taking her own life.
God...i do NOT understand...at all!!!!!

R.i.P. Mary Sue 02/12/10
Always and Forever♥

"If you're a Christian, would you please notify your face?"

As i was spending time with Jesus tonight, I cam across this quote in my book i was reading. I didn't read very far past it because it so strongly jumped out at me. "If you're a Christian, would you please notify your face?" How true is this? We who claim to live a life for God are often the one's who are complaining and making a bigger deal out of the small stuff then those of the world can at times. I know i am guilty of this, many many times!! But as i step back to think about this statement, how sad is that! I live my life for God and yet the simple look on my face does not show that. God is walking beside me daily. God's love is always present in my life. My worst day should still be filled with joy because the God of the universe loves ME!
There is a verse that i want to use here, but i can not think of it for the LIFE of me!!

God pursues us, loves us, he sent his son to on a cross for us and if that alone isn't cause enough to put a smile on my face daily and live in the joy and hope that God gives, i do not know what reason a person will need. Though trails and temptations will come I am living for a God "who will never leave me nor forsake me".
How am i ever going to show God's love to the world, if i can't go into the world and show them that love, peace, joy, and hope?!

This is the challenge to myself; Smile, all the time! Whether it's the "worst" day of my life or not. God has given me life in that day, and a chance to reach the world. maybe all i can do that day is smile, but at least it's something.

Jeremiah 29:13 "You will seek me and you will find me, when you seek me with ALL your heart."

this is the verse i am living for right now!